I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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