why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
