We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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