happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she told me i tasted like america
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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