I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
