My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
