My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
