Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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