MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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