Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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