Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
