yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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