Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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