If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
