im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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