I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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