I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
A bitchslap is in order.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
