She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
