Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
