haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
