Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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