you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
