By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think your dad took our porno
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
