when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
