i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
