proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
