I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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