I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
