WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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