Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
