maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
