Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
