How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
