She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
