Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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