FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
