At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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