dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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