hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
