just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
