i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
