saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
