I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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