Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
