i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
