I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We left the knife in your bed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
