I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
