Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
