The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
