didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
