i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
