he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
