I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
