I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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