So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
