I CAN MOONWALK!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
