We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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