dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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