im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
