So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
