Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.