you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...