things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.