don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.