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I am in a vortex of obligation.
zippers are such a cool invention
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
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