i already hear my dad disowning me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.