Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How does one acquire holy water?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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