Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
