She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
