please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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