I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the day after is always just damage control
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So vagazzling was a success
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
