Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
