She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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