smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
