my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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