whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
