Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
